don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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