yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
