sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
