It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
