You're a womanizer and a bitch.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
