Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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