btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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