sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
