I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize