One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
only if we run a train.
done.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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