I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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