u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize