Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
