walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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