If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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