Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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