he shaved USA in his pubs
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
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