Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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