So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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