I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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