Sponge bath it is.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
