I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
