the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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