If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
