i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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