I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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