Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
you never un-have a 4some
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
