wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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