i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
In America we eat man semen.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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