I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
