I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize