Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
