Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
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