She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
