i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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