this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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