On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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