I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
