Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
