I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
