Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
