Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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