Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
