Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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