Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I have peed in a lot of sinks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
