You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
