Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
