Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
