I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
