Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
