A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
