So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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