were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
