White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize