he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
