taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
