I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
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