Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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