i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
