got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
