Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize