I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Life is so much better after having sex.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
