dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize