but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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