Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
