dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize