Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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