He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
