it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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