Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
