he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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