I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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