I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
