It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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