Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
