mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
