took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize