When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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