is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
